Decameron: A Premonition [IX/7]

“Margie I just had the strangest dream last night,” said Talano to his wife, who was putting on her gloves and getting ready to go outside. “In the dream you were attacked and brutally maimed by a pack of wolves.”

Margie scoffed. “More of your wolf attack stress dreams? Come on now. It’s just the quarantine, which we did because of the wolves, that’s getting to you. We have to get back to normal at some point.”

Talano shifted in his seat. “Sure, sure,” he conceded. “Far be it from me to suggest an infinite shutdown, I just think it’s a bit risky to go out before the ravening pack of wolves that roam the countryside and attack mercilessly is handled.”

Margie tut tutted her husband. Always with the wolves.

“The stats are clear, less than 1 percent of people attacked by the wolves die from the wolves, that’s nothing to worry about at all,” said his wife incorrectly. “We’re getting better at treating wolf attacks all the time.”

Talano quibbled with her math, “Sure, but I’m just not sure why you’re risking a non-zero chance of death by vicious mauling by wolves for a trip to Pizzeria Uno, dear. The numbers are going in the wrong direction.”

Margie got indignant at that. “I’m doing everything right, it’s these young people is what I’ve been hearing. Did you know they’re just going out into the woods, devil may care what happens to them, spreading them at parties where they douse themselves in sheep urine? It’s disgraceful.”

“That’s not right,” said Talano, who hated fighting, and was trying to de-escalate. “I think they’re just going into the woods because they ran out of food.”

“Plus, the wolves are all gone! They’ve all migrated south now. Our wolf problem is completely under control. You never hear about wolf attacks anymore.”

Talano knew he had lost.

“Okay, just when you go out be sure to bring a walking stick to beat off the wolves in case they come near you,” pleased Talano.

“It makes my arm tired to carry the stick,” insisted Margie, “I’m just popping out.”

And so Margie departed from home and walked into town for a delicious Chicago-style deep dish pizza at the Pizzeria Uno, and shortly after was attacked and maimed by a ravenous pack of wolves.

Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.

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