Decameron: Bed Trick (III/6)
Things you can use to replace “The wife of Filippello Fighinolfi, duped into thinking her husband is having an affair, tries to catch him in the act by pretending to be his mistress and sleeping with him, but realizes afterward that she has in fact had sex with Ricciardo Minutolo, who tricked her into all of this,” if you’re trying to write a modern version of a Decameron story without out all the rape.
Ricciardo tricks Filippello’s wife into playing video games with him online. She doesn’t realize it’s not her husband because Ricciardo’s username is identical to Filippello’s except it uses a lowercase l instead of an uppercase I.
Ricciardo tricks Filippello’s wife into going grocery shopping with him. She doesn’t realize it’s not her husband because they are both wearing masks that cover their entire heads.
Ricciardo tricks Filippello’s wife into exploring the ocean floor in old-timey deep sea diving suits with him.
Ricciardo tricks Filippello’s wife into joining a Daft Punk cover band.
Ricciardo prepares to put on his Guy Fawkes mask so that he can take Filippello’s wife to an Anonymous protest in 2009, when suddenly she walks into the room. Before he can put the mask on and pretend to be her husband, she puts her hand on his arm and guides it gingerly down to the table.
“Listen,” she says. “Even with the sex taken out, this story can never end well for you.”
“It will always start with you tricking me, instead of approaching me as a real person. One that has actual feelings and desires; her own autonomy.”
“You understand, don’t you? That after 700 hundred years, this story needs to end a different way?”
Ricciardo goes to the Anonymous protest alone.
“What’s the matter with you?” asks the guy next to him. ”Le gf said no sexy times?”
At home, Ricciardo pulls out his ski masks (robbing a bank with him), his motorcycle helmets (competing in the X games with him), and his clown make-up (juggalo meet-up) and lays them out on the bed. He looks at them for a long time.
He thinks that maybe if he’d had a different model to follow, growing up, things would be different. If he’d seen another way in those formative years.
He thinks a lot of things.
“Ricciardo? Ricciardo Minutolo, is that you?” Ricciardo turns at the voice, and finds himself within arm’s reach of Filippello.
Filippello blinks at him, and then his face brightens. “I knew it!” He comes in for the hug. “Ricciardo, how are you? It’s been three years!”
Ricciardo smiles a little, despite himself. He lets Filippello drag him on a walk, which leads to the downtown strip, which leads to a bar. Filippello is, as ever, infectious in his enthusiasm, authentically real. Over two beers, he hears about the new job, the new hobbies, the life updates of their mutual friends.
Finally, willing his voice to be casual, he asks Filippello: “How’s Catella?”
“Great!” Filippello exclaims. “She’s doing great. She teaches Zumba now! She got a tattoo!”
“I’m happy for her,” Ricciardo says, when Filippello pauses to take a breath.
To his surprise, he finds he means it.
Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.
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