Decameron: Exit Interview [X/1]
Linda: Hello, thanks for taking part in an exit interview. We realize that your time is valuable, so we hope this takes no more than 10 minutes. How does that sound?
r_defigio2: agent
Linda: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
r_defigio2: agent
Linda: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
r_defigio2: customer service
Linda: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
Linda: Hello, thanks for taking part in an exit interview. We realize that your time is valuable, so we hope this takes no more than 10 minutes. How does that sound?
r_defigio2: fine
Linda: Great! First, how long have you been with the company?
r_defigio2: 8 years
Linda: Great! And what prompted you to leave?
r_defigio2: layoff
Linda: Great! Do you have new employment planned?
r_defigio2: no
Linda: Great! Have you returned all company property to you supervisor?
r_defigio2: Yes but he said I could keep the mule
Linda: Okay
Linda: One moment please, I’m working on that.
Linda: One moment please, I’m working on that.
r_defigio2: stupid system works about as good as the stupid mule
Linda: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
r_defigio2: nothing
Linda: Great!
Linda: Okay, it says here that IT disbursed the following item(s) to you: ONE MULE. Is that right? Do I have that right?
r_defigio2: yes that’s what I said
r_defigio2: god this company sucks
Linda: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? Could you repeat it?
r_defigio2: THIS COMPANY SUCKS.
Linda: Great! Do you have new employment planned?
r_defigio2: no, I said no
Linda: Great!
Linda: How would you rate the management you encountered in your time here on a scale on one to ten, one being “less than expectations” and ten being “better than expectations”
r_defigio2: zero
Linda: Please enter a valid response.
r_defigio2: one
Linda: Great! And how would you rate the mentoring you encountered in your time here on a scale on one to ten, one being “less than expectations” and ten being “better than expectations”
r_defigio2: one
Linda: Are you certain?
r_defigio2: yes
Linda: Great! And have you considered that you are merely unlucky? That you were given unparalleled mentoring and management but through your own misfortune failed?
r_defigio2: that’s it, I’m done here
Linda: In order to successfully transfer any severance, you must complete the exit interview.
r_defigio2: No i do not consider myself just unlucky this company sucks ass
Linda: Please select “Heads” or “Tails”
r_defigio2: heads
Linda: Ah, I just flipped a coin. It came up tails. See? You’re a very unlucky person.
Linda: I can see why this didn’t work out.
r_defigio2: fuck you
Linda: The use of profanity immediately terminates the interview. We have a zero tolerance policy for verbal abuse and take such matters very seriously.
Linda: Hello, thanks for taking part in an exit interview. We realize that your time is valuable, so we hope this takes no more than 10 minutes. How does that sound?
Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.
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