Decameron: Giving Back To My Community [IX/5]
“Hey Buffo,” asked Bruno, “Do you know what’s going down with Tessa and Calandrino?”
Buffamacco’s eyes lit up, and he instantly moved for his phone. It’s going down. He jumped to Twitter immediately to see what was going down.
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Thou sorry shitten cur!
It was better than Buffamacco’s wildest dreams.
“So, remember like two days ago when all the verifieds got banned from Twitter for la few hours?”
“Yes,” said Bruno, “How could I forget our civilization’s finest hour? I’m still waiting for my $2000 from Barack Obama.”
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Besotted dotard that thou art, accursed be the weal I have willed thee!
“Right, well, remember a few weeks ago when we made that fake account and started flirting with Calandrino in his DMs?”
“Of course,” said Bruno, “We told our friend that we could help him seduce a young woman and then, behind his back, were running the account for the afternoon.”
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Marry, seemeth it to thee thou hast not enough to do at home, that thou must go wantoning it in other folk's preserves?
“Okay,” said Buffamacco, “the thing is I kept it going for more than an afternoon.”
“A great jest! But what does a bitcoin scam featuring Elon Mush have to do with it?”
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Dost thou not know thyself, losel that thou art? Dost thou not know thyself, good for nought?
Damn, though Buffamacco, she was really going in on the guy.
from @calandrino2:
@dametessa i said i was sorry
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Wert thou to be squeezed dry, there would not come as much juice from thee as might suffice for a sauce.”
“Right, well, Tessa is a verified account and had to tweet out a story to her followers. So she asked if she could tweet it through Calandrino’s unverified account, and then she could then retweet it from her verified account.”
“A most clever idea,” observed Bruno.
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 Cock's faith, thou canst not say it was Tessa that was presently in act to get thee with child.
“Yeah, well, she spied the mega-horny DMs,” said Buffamacco.
from @dametessa:
@calandrino2 God make her sorry, who ever she is, for a scurvy trull as she must be to have a mind to so fine a jewel as thou!
“Oh, damn,” said Bruno. “That’s rough, but it can’t be that bad—”
“Calandrino also sent $20,000 in Bitcoin to Jeff Bezos,” said Buffamacco.
“That’ll do it.”
Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.
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