Decameron: Just Dad Things [V/4]
TOP FIVE WAYS TO EMBARRASS YOUR DAUGHTER
By Messer Lizio da Valbona
Just Dad Things Contributor
We all know it wouldn’t be a Just Dad Things blog post if I didn’t include at least one way to embarrass your kids. Well for this one, I’m going all out. Here’s FIVE fun, dad-worthy ways to bug your daughter. You’ll get a lot of “UGH, c’mon Dad” with these.
Tease her whenever her crush comes by. I like to start with a good, old-fashioned, “Oh Cat, Riiiiicky’s coming over!” Then, when he’s here but out of the room, I throw in a “Ricky sure is cuuuuute, isn’t he?” This is always good for some eye-rolls. I like this so much that I invite Ricky over nearly all the time.
Interrupt them whenever they try to be alone. “Oh, don’t mind me,” I say, as I burst in the study door. “Just looking for my glasses!” I like to keep the glasses on top of my head for this bit. My favorite part is when she groans in annoyance and says, “Dad, they’re right there!”
“Hi hot, I’m Dad.” A classic. This is one I say whenever she insists that it's too hot to sleep in her room and that she has to sleep on the lattice-accessible balcony outside my room instead.
Burst onto the balcony at 5:02 AM. Lots of options with this one. My personal favorite: “Ricky! Been seeing a lot of you lately, haven’t I?” Bonus points if you bring a vuvuzela to play as you interrupt them; daughters hate that.
Insist she and Ricky get married while still naked on the balcony. You’ll get a lot of good-natured whines with this one, but it’s a real knee-slapper. “You gotta be together in sickness and in health, but nobody said anything about in clothes.” Confetti to toss on them after the vows are over is a definite plus.
Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.
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