Decameron: Karma [II/5]
/r/Naples
How’s the horses scene down there?
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
Ayy whatup I’m going to be in town from Perugia and I heard a rumor that you’ve got some really good deals, I’ve got about 500 golf florins and I’m looking for about three horses. I’m more than happy to meet up with someone, like I said, I have this cash and looking to spend.
/u/sicilian_damsel
hey i may be able to uh help you out
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
wow! you’re so helpful!!
/u/sicilian_damsel
we still talking 500 florins tho?
/r/relationships
I [23/M] just met my long-lost sister [25/F] on a routine horse-buying trip, wat do?
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
So I’m [23/M] visiting the city and when I was trying to buy some horses today I ran into this 10/10 dime [25/F], she at first didn’t really notice me but once she saw how good I was at negotiating she seemed to take an interest.
Anyway later that night, this random chick [28/F] comes to my hotel and says that the lady would like to see me tonight. I’m out of town and down, so I walk all the way to this house. She leads me upstairs and then instead of going where I think this is going she sits me down and tells me that she is my sister? Apparently my dad [56/M] dated her mom [??/F] back in the day?
She apparently found out I was in town and wanted to hit me up, offered a place to crash tonight, what should I do?
/r/TIFU
TIFU by destroying the bathroom in my sister’s apartment
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
The TL;DR is that I recently met my sister on a trip to the city and we had a great night of drinking and catching up. She offered to put me up in her spare room, but after all that liquor I was starting to feel pretty righteous and needed to find the commode. Turns out she’s got one of those crazy new imported outdoor composting toilets, and when I was Doing My Business I moved my weight the wrong way and smashed it, and I kind of fell in. All my clothes are in the house and I’m typing this on my phone from an alley.
I kept on trying to get back in the house and they refused to answer the door and now that I think about it I don’t think I actually have a sister and now that I think about it more I had like 500 gold florins in those pants and oh god I’m such an idiot.
/r/legaladvice
[Italy] Can you be charged with stealing from someone who is legally deceased?
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
I had a sting of bad luck recently and ended up in a pretty bad way in Naples after I got conned out of some money by my sister, who I’m beginning to think might not actually be my sister.
Anyway I was found by these two guys who were familiar with this woman and I think they took pity on me because they offered me a job! They helped me wash up (do not drink out of the well near the cathedral in Naples).
So the job was sneaking into a tomb of a powerful Bishop to take all the stuff he was buried with, and I was curious if that’s illegal? Or if the statute of limitations means that you cannot rob from the dead. Thanks for any help!
/u/not_a_lawyer
graverobbing, the crime you are looking for is “graverobbing”
/u/ItalyLaw
That is not what the statute of limitations mean and it’s absolutely a crime
/u/napolitan
OP is going to jail!
/u/Automoderator_Bot
Please try to remain neutral in this case, take the personal discussions to /r/bestoflegaladvice
/r/lockpicking
[Large Rock] Hey is there a way to, from the inside, remove a large rock that has sealed you in a tomb?
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
Title kind of says it all, bit time sensitive, I can’t make out a manufacturer on the large rock, but it takes about two other dudes to move it in and out of place.
/r/Naples
Rumor: Someone scared the crap out of a priest at the cathedral last night.
/u/Naples_News [MODERATOR]
Did anyone hear a loud shriek last night from the cathedral? My uncle was at church and he said there was a big commotion
/u/naplesnarker
heard Easter came early this year
/u/napolitan
lmao you’re going to hell
/u/chruchie
OK so I was at that church last night and here’s what I heard went down. There was this really loud commotion going on in the tombs, which is obviously nuts. Some people went to check it out, and the tombs smelled terrible and we heard like whimpering and crying from within the Bishop’s tomb. Then, Father Thomas got annoyed and was all like “what are you people afraid of” and then went in there.
Apparently he felt someone GRAB him and he flipped out and everyone ran away screaming, it was insane!
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
listen I’m sure the thing that grabbed him feels really, really sorry about how all that went down
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
but honestly that tomb is really unsafely designed and they’re asking for this
/r/gems
SELLING: Vintage ring inset with ruby, worthy of a bishop
/u/horsebuyingthrowawayyy
PM me for pics! Can deliver to to Naples or Peruga. Would like at least four horses for it.
Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.
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