Decameron: Mnemonic Vice [IV/10]

First of all, I want to say thank you for the invitation to speak today. It’s truly an honor any time I have the chance to talk about my personal passion: in-home safety. 

Now, the more time you spend indoors, the more likely you are to have an in-home accident. Fortunately, there are tricks to remembering safety protocols that can help you avoid or handle in-home emergencies. 

Most of you are probably familiar with EDITH; that is, Exit Drills In The Home, and if you’re not, I hope you internalize that one right away. But I figured this crowd might be interested in some of the more advanced mnemonics that I’ve found useful in my career as a first responder. 

How many people here have heard of SOILS? I see a few hands. Yes, that one’s Store Opium In Locked Shelves. A very helpful one to remember for the doctors in the audience with opium-based sleeping remedies to be sure. You don’t want to leave that one out on the counter. (Laughter from the audience.)

How about WOO? A few more hands; good, goood. It’s a good one for any of us water drinkers to remember: Always ask yourself, am I drinking Water Or Opium? A cool glass of refreshing water, or an opium sleeping potion that a doctor left sitting out on a counter.

Here’s one for the wives out there: DODO? When you walk into the room and see your lover on the floor, ask yourself: Dead Or Drank Opium? Is he actually dead, or did he just drink a sleeping potion prepared by your doctor husband? If you ask yourself this question before you take his body out and shove it in an open chest on the road, you will save yourself— and emergency personnel— a lot of trouble down the line. 

Ok, who here’s ever picked a chest up off the side of the road? Anybody? Ha, ha— I know most of you have; you don’t have to hide it. This one’s not quite an in-home emergency, but it’s good to keep in mind regardless. ECODICASMOWWCOTAUOCTWTRHIAAT, or Empty Chest Or Does It Contain A Sleeping Man, One Who Will Cause Others To Accuse Us Of Chest Thievery When They Realize He Is Alive And Trapped? Let me tell you, if you ask yourself this, you will save yourself a lot of headache in the future; boy howdy.

Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.

Tell your friends!