Decameron: You Complete Idiot What Did You Do [V/7]

Dinwidde 2FL 2015 Group Chat

Teddy: ah guys so some NEWS

Teddy: you all remember that girl I was chatting up on tinder right

Fineo: oh no

Fineo: no no teddy you are not going to say what i think you’re going to say

Teddy: ahhh yeah we met up the other night and kind of hooked up

Fineo: You idiot

Fineo: You absolute moron

Currado: hahahahahahahahaha

Amerigo: I told you guys! I knew it!

Currado: anthony fauci like just felt a twinge of pain in his neck and has no idea why teddy you fool

Fineo: This is lowkey the Teddiest possible shit imaginable

Fineo: some VINTAGE teddy right here

Currado: you absolute dingus

Amerigo: Alright who owes me money I told you he’d do it

Currado: i hope you wore a mask

Currado: not for like health reasons, just i hope she didn’t have to look at your fugly-ass head the whole time

Amerigo: Teddy weren’t you pre-med

Teddy: guys I like her!

Amerigo: I’m cackling

Fineo: Teddy remember how you had mono in sophomore year because the girl told you she just had mono and then you went ahead anyway because you thought mono was like a cold

Amerigo: Teddy i have a friend who only hooks up with guys who currently have malaria when can i set yall up she seems like your type

Fineo: Teddy remember how you missed an entire season of lacrosse teddy because of the mono

Currado: if an asteroid was careening towards earth teddy would meet up with it for drinks and try to get freaky with it i swear to god

Amerigo: such a dumbass

Currado: “u up?” teddy, during the fall of troy

Fineo: Teddy you are the dumbest dude how

Currado: “ahhh yeah i can be right over” teddy, on the exploding hindenberg

Fineo: Teddy no joke you have to do like a closed quarantine circle with her

Teddy: yeah i know

Amerigo: i would say “unbelievable” and yet the minute you wrote “news” i knew EXACTLY what you were going to say

Currado: “be right over,” says Dinosaur Teddy as the meteor impacts earth

Amerigo: VINTAGE teddy it’s like going to a museum

Fineo: it’s like re-watching The Last Airbender

Teddy: guysss be cool

Fineo: like you know exactly whats gonna happen but you still can’t not watch and it’s nostalgic af

Amerigo: historians all looking back on this moment of high dumbassery

Currado: anthony fauci is texting me he’s saying “teddy you suck I’m so disappointed”

Currado: he’s really bummed because of you teddy!

Amerigo: teddy i was going to DO stuff today but now thanks to you i already feel accomplished because by simply doing nothing i didn’t cock up as much as you

Teddy: guys fine

Fineo: hey teddy you suck

Teddy: i’ll do a closed quarantine circle with her jfc

Decameron is a newsletter recounting the 14th Century set of quarantine tales for 2020. Read the original story.

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